Tell Me You Love Me...
Wednesday, May 12 2010 @ 21:09...
Up until last week when David Cameron assumed office and Labour, along with the Lib Dem's and their supporters claimed the end was nigh, no one uttered the word "liberal" when describing their opposition towards him in defence of their ideology.
Instead, they used the term, "progressive". Crazy! Are these "progressives" taking over the left now? Or are liberals these days refusing to define themselves as liberal? It is, after all, a term with such negative connotations that scares children, the hardworking and anyone else who remembers Keynesianism. Progressive, it is then.
Diehard advocates will proclaim, probably while driving their Prius to their nearby organic market, that progressivism is a far more broader and diverse way of thinking, a mission statement that apparently rises above the usual right vs left mantra. The words used to describe this mindset sound nothing short of spectacular: "advanced", "radical", and "free thinking"...
Those words, without question, are the type that will lure any self-identified Lib Dem university student into bed. Of course, you'll catch crabs, but it'll be forever worth it as even microorganisms have the right for social justice!
In medical terms, "progressive" is defined as "increasing with great severity", a colloquialism for "you're done for!", Which, is perfect as the political definition of "progressive". In black and white, "progressive" is just as poisonous as being "liberal". A progressive has no solution for any economic growth, as progressives despise capitalism and those who earn money. Progressives can't reach conclusions on foreign policy, or terrorism, as their innate pacifism prevents them from offering any alternatives aside from protesting. They have no solutions for crime or the benefit culture or for companies that we had to bail out as they' find it impossible to address the concept of personal responsibility. Furthermore the mission statement of every progressive around is that all evil in this world comes from Western moderate, to right wing governments and of course, Corporate America.
Don't brand me a liberal, say progressives, even though progressives are nothing but liberals in eco-sheared sheep's clothing; from a sustainable stock of course!
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From The Rush Hour With Love...
Sunday, November 29 2009 @ 16:24...
Now that the phrase 'journalistic ethics' means nothing more than being the simple excuse a hot CNN anchor gives a balding local news reporter one night when she wants to kindly reject his lurid (and possible inebriated) sexual advances one in the Tehran Hilton, you realise that media integrity is dead. Now that the mainstream news outlets deem anyone who disagrees with President Obama's tax increases a "racist" or call people who let their emotions run a bit high on the issue of a major change towards socialised medicine a "mob", I started to wonder just how easy it is to spin even the most obscure story I could find and use it for my own political/personal gains. Let's take MSNBC's Slate.com article on 'Women In The Workplace' as an ass-ticklelingly awesome example.
This column analysed large companies and reported with glee that those who had at least three women directors posted better profits than other publicly traded peckaroo parties. Their reasoning?: "Diversity, (when) well managed, produces (sic) better results."
Poppycock! This whole article seems like it was written by a feminist on the losing side of the areola grapple with gravity. Also it smacks of idiosyncratic wishful simplicity. The researchers ignore the real reason why mostly male companies perform better in the presence of a few women. Men love women!
When there's a smokin' hot Sarah Palin look-a-like in a low-cut Armani-fitted business suit sitting across from you while some mouthbreather yaks on about "return on invested capital," it makes office-work slightly more bearable.
If you want men to work harder, show up at the crack of dawn and stay as late as the immigrant cleaning staff, then stuff your hallways and offices with girls.
Should someone question why there's seven anorexic secretaries for every low level manager tell them it's to promote "diversity" and "equal opportunity." They'll buy that excuse and if they don't, you then have the pleasure of accusing them of being intolerant.. Then head to Human resources and spearhead the initiative for 'Wet T-shirt Wednesdays'...
It's a thousand year olds fact: Men will improve their performance to impress women. Without females, any incentive for working, grooming and even wearing clothes dissipates into a unshaven cloud of naked LAN parties.
Exhibit A? Neil Scott.
Seriously, the only reason I show up to ASDA is because of the chance that I may run into the dozen or so attractive girls who work there. (And no, none of them work in petrol with me...)
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Have You Ever Injured Yourself While Performing On A Pole, Or Was He Spanish?...
Thursday, July 23 2009 @ 19:16...
Whenever our soon-to-be-pending-election takes place; the two main issues for all three parties after the economy are immigration and terrorism. What if we used one to fix the other?
Those who embrace terror are reproducing like rabbits! (Halal rabbits of course). They throw martyrs on to our streets like Neil Scott does with used Thai lady-boy prostitutes. Meanwhile, even the least educated Brit has finally taken heed of the message to wear condoms. As the enemy increases in numbers, we shrivel up like aeroplane food. Numbers correspond with success.
However, we have a long-overlooked secret weapon: Polish people!
They're very hard workers and are either super Catholic or novelty Jewish, which means they reproduce regularly and only get drunk on Saturdays. They also seem to adore Volvos and think Gordon Ramsey is the bloated twin of Rod Stewart.
Polish people are the wheel trim of ethics on the tyre of our corrupt society.
There are only two groups of people in this world getting it on outwith the veil of prophylactics. Radical Muslims and sex-crazed Eastern Europeans. One raise fanatics who want to destroy our towers and blow up our train stations while the other want to build them. I know who I support, the Polish. They're the one hope against the enemy encouraging our downfall.
You have to give them credit: Polish people drive for weeks to get here and they're grateful to pick strawberries in a field for 70 pence a day.
So take notice of our new front on the War on Terror as they may be your waiter. And if you really want to put a dent in Al Qaeda's pride; tip them 10 percent...
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Technologic...
Thursday, March 19 2009 @ 19:12...
So today Google launched the UK version of their ridiculously awesome Street View software. Basically it's a 3D map of your hometown using real photographs. So essentially you can now walk through your neighbourhood without the risk of getting stabbed by a desperate drug addict or teased by your local unruly Jewish gang (the one in my area refer to themselves as the Devil's Advocates F.Y.I.).
Download it from Google.com today and see all. You can capture a man urinating in a bush, a woman sunbathing, or a short, visibly aroused weirdo rushing into a local cat-themed sex shop (Joe promises me that it was research. people..)
However with any new invention that's not involving crotchless chaps there will always be some group opposed to these 'for-the-better' changes. This time it's privacy advocates who worry that this technology will turn your land into a police state, like "1984."
But if you're out in public, you don't own anything you do, we do. So, if you steal petrol, shoplift liquorice flavoured condoms or flash yourself to the bus driver like Neil did in 2007, we all have every right to see it. Privacy just has no place in public.
Total and complete surveillance is the ideal way to eliminate bad behaviour. Well, you could have morals, however that requires judgement predicated on the ability to discriminate between right and wrong then good and evil. And if George Galloway has taught us anything it's that the very notion of discrimination is unacceptable and out-right racist, well unless it's against the Israelis, right G-man?...
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The Highest Power In Lonely Hours...
Wednesday, January 21 2009 @ 20:32...
Whenever you hear people make the declaration that they're "open minded" you're meant to be impressed at said person's apparent ability to accept and relish in other people's choices. But much like Atheism, being open minded leaves your ideology filled with more holes than Mark Wahlberg has nipples.
Case in point; the British Humanist Association have spent over £140,000 to put advertisements on the side of buses telling those who can't drive and the occasional passing prostitute that there's no deity so "stop worrying and enjoy life"...
Fantastic...
The atheists who deem themselves as superior to the religion-obsessed peasants they avoid are the same type who spend years trying to convince others that their open mindedness makes them part of the intellectual elite, and you not.
However the truth is that it is they who are the ones who are unevolved the most as it's their anger and self-loathing at their own spiritual emptiness and lack of life direction that causes them to act out and try and convince others to become as miserable as them.
Translation: an open mind is what you're left with when moral criterion goes out the window. When someone boasts their "open mindedness" they're basically waving the white flag as there's no obligation for someone to have to fight, criticise, defend or even take a stance on issues such as religion when they forfeit the framework to make one.
But the irony is that these very people who detest the concept of organised religion as they claim it brainwashes people are now more corrupt than the those they try to bring down. Why? They ridicule people of faith because they follow religious paths that can't be proven (sea-partings, virgin births). However their own agenda is asking people to reject the notion of a possible higher power (without proof that one DOESN'T exist) and live life freely, away from the rules and apparent strangle-holds dictated by Bibles, Toras and Quo'rans because they can't be proven that they came from above.
So in order to be a true atheist they expect you to fully reject the existence of a deity, yet ask you to be open minded on everything else. The majority of atheists believe in UFO's, but can they prove they exist? No, then they shouldn't even explore the possibility of them being real as they follow that mantra in their disbelief of a creator.
Look, whether you wish you were there to kick the Egyptian's mummified asses for their treatment of the Jews or if you yearn that you were the one that could have accompanied Mohammed on his Night Journey or even if you're an atheist who finds solace and meaning in the production of Keebler Elf porn, I don't need to know. The truth is no one on this earth knows whether they've backed the right horse. Will there be a day of judgement or Youmud Din where everyone shall be told the meaning of life? I hope so, but it's a Schrodinger's Cat scenario... we probably won't know until we die.
However, would you want the answer now and spoil the end of the story of life making your next seventy years not worth living because you already know the conclusion?
Leave everyone alone and let each person come to their own conclusion about the chain of events that led us all here. But you atheists, don't try and force me to rule out a Christian/Hindu/Muslim/Jewish/Elf Of Keebler deity just because you think you've came to a conclusion (which you can't even prove)...
Live by something the philosopher Jewel said in the album-only track "Long Slow Slide";
'the greatest fear I can imagine is for the mystery to be named'...
Also, I don't want topics like this being in my head when I'm riding the No. 73 bus into town to partake in the delights of my town's weekly peep-show. When I glance up and catch a glimpse of an advert I want images of fluffy dogs and Cherry Garcia not this topic. Or even visions of the show's doorman Seth, he takes me to heaven every night in his strong, well oiled arms...
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The Plight Of A Gay, And The Fall Of OJ...
Thursday, December 11 2008 @ 18:36...
Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? Apparently, the answer is "Yes"...
Boy George, the heroin-abusing, make up-wearing frontman of Culture Club (which would make a great name for a gay bar), has been found guilty of falsely imprisoning and assaulting Norwegian prostitute Audun Carlsen at his dungeon in Soho.
Note to George; this is why I have a basement, it muffles the sound.
Then there's my favourite double murderer OJ Simpson, a man whose 'alleged' crimes put other pop starlets to shame. You think Miss Lohan, Hilton and Barton are bad for crashing cars and having the occasional drunk-driving incident? OJ's the real deal; he'll kill you!
Anyway, 'The Juice' is no longer 'on the loose' as he was convicted of armed robbery and kidnapping in a Las Vegas casino last year while in the city for a wedding, or as Simpson put it he was, "just getting my stuff back..." (with guns and seven other armed men, some former criminals no less!).
Now, first; who invites OJ to a wedding! Was he there to 'cut' the cake?
Secondly, if you've already gotten away with murder, wouldn't you lay low from then on? As since everyone is convinced that he narrowly beat the system the first go round wouldn't you be walking on eggshells and keeping a low profile as to never be in that courtroom situation again? Not OJ, his ego could not be tamed. Another reason I don't want to be a celebrity, only now can I have a trail of used, barely conscious Vietnamese houseboys behind me wherever I go, if I had the media attention of Simpson I'd go down faster than Joe Williamson does on homeless people behind the bus station.
As for Boy George, if I ever need to chain a Nordic male prostitute to a radiator and beat him senseless with my collection of Donna Karen shoes just to be sexually stimulated, please, JUST CUT IT OFF!... and sell it on as a delightfully overcooked Frankfurter sausage, or in Neil Scott's case, a Pepperami mini, a half-eaten one no less...
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Anyway You Want Me...
Thursday, December 04 2008 @ 20:32...
This morning, while scouring around our recently-frozen town centre with Neil Scott trying to help find him his daily fix of swan porn, I came across a billboard bedecked with an image of a clearly inebriated woman wearing a see-through shirt sporting a very visible, (alas moderately sized), nipple for all to see.
Underneath was the caption "This Is Not An Invitation To Rape Me" followed by a website address of a similar length. No longer hunting for the swan porn since Neil absconded from my side moments earlier with a live Mallard, I logged on.
The website overall tells women how to report rape and suggests not venturing off on your own with someone you've just met and other great stuff like that. It's a public service and I applaud the intentions behind it.
However!
Of all the "pre-rape" scenarios the website portrays, two commonalties appear in all of them.
1) In each of the pictures the style of the girl changes but each of the supposed rapists look the same. It's as if the casting director advertised for; "Rapist, young male, (preferably white), and come dressed up to look middle class-ish"...
Seriously? Are you trying to tell women the only people who rape are twenty-something ascot wearing caucasians?
2) My biggest annoyance with the advert (more-so website) is that it plays down the role that alcohol and the level of clothing (or lack of) that's associated with the 'vulnerable' girl, implying that if you're high on X, have been drinking wine-coolers all night long and are dressed in little more than a shorty robe complete with your yeeha's and va-jj's hanging out that you're just as likely to get raped as the casually dressed tee-totalling business woman across the street...
Are you high?! What has happened to personal responsibility in this culture?
Now while I do not of course condone rape and think every offender should be castrated with a rusty cleaver and then forced to spend sometime in my basement, the majority of women who become raped in the night-out situations used in this campaign are partly to blame.
I'm sorry but in this world if you do certain things, you can expect certain reactions. If you drive a Lexus through downtown Tehran with the Star Of David stencilled on the grill, you can guess what the reaction will be. If you start barbequing steak out front of a weekly PETA meeting you can script the response and if you parade around drunk and vulnerable outside a secluded bar at 2am wearing nothing more than a mini-skirt and a top so low cut it starts at your kidneys while flirting with everyone who possesses a penis then you can guess the wishful-reaction from a group of single, sex-starved minimum-wage earning intoxicated males, as callous as it may be.
What has happened to the premise of personal responsibility. If you willingly run on ice, fall and break your arm then it's your fault for legging it in those conditions but society says you should sue the council for the pavement not having the correct amount of grit on it. Back in the 90's you'd be called foolish but in 2008 you're classed as a victim.
And just like Neil with his newly christened mallard, everyone can get into sticky situations if they're not conscious of the environment around them. (And in Neil's case, it's chocolate sauce and capers)...
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Exodus...
Friday, October 17 2008 @ 15:51...
While scouring left wing blogs and out-dated copies of The Independent this morning while watching my gardener Yoshi perform his Brunch-time pilates on my veranda (although admittedly being greeted with looks of concern from him), one thing became clear to me. With less than one hundred days left in office before the Messiah Obama moves in, it's easy to say that regardless of whatever the next few months hold, President Bush will be remembered in history for one thing, and only one thing; 'The War On Terror'. He'll be seen by conservatives as a hero and a patriot but to everyone else he's simply the worst man in the world. (Even after the man who made the decision to stop production of the short-lived sensation that was Strawberry Fanta.)
But those who despise Georgie seemingly can't agree on why they all hate him so much.
The '9/11 Truthers' see 'W' as a physcotic mastermind. A man who conspired with our enemies to bring down the World Trade Center to manipulate the price of oil and subsequently rule the world like my imaginary mentor King Nacho does, with cheese and jalapeno slaves at his feet.
Others however, see the Bushman as a national embarrassment, a dithering fool who can't organise hurricane-aid with seven days warning and a man who can't pronounce the word "nuclear" without making it sound like a new line of anti-bacterial facial scrubs.
But make up your mind haters, he's either a diabolical genius who's tricked us all or a bumbling disgrace to everyone with some higher education under their belt. Like I tell my houseboys on a Friday Night, "you just can't have things both ways!"...
Or, can you?... Possibly!
You see, President Bush will be remembered as being one of two things. Should radical Islam have dissolved forty-years from now he'll be seen as the unpopular-at-the-time hero who quashed Islamic terrorism from the 9/11 outset, or, if the world in forty years is crippling to let democracy have a home under extremist Imams who start to grasp power and extend their message of hate to new countries and horizons like Adolf Hitler did. He'll be seen as a modern-day Churchill, a man immensely unpopular during his time in power but seen today as the only person who took the Nazi's (and their potentials) seriously from the outset and for being one of the few reasons that I'm not writing this post in German.
Some try to blame Bush for the cause and reason that radical Islam exists, but 9/11 was planned before Bush came to power and the USS Cole attack happened on Clinton's watch.
The radical Imams who fund, support and encourage Muslim terrorism with their twisted interpretations of the Holy Koran existed long before W even entered politics. (The PLF anyone?, remember, they did the song "Justified & Ancient", or was that The KLF?)
Anyway when President Bush passes into history he'll be seen like Churchill is today, as a hero by the next generation (after they spend their pre-adolescent years in my basement of course). Who knows, perhaps like Winston, Mr Bush will have an insurance company named after him one day; Cheney could even voice the bulldog mascot...
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Raw Is War...
Wednesday, August 20 2008 @ 10:48...
Whenever terrorist attacks go wrong (which sounds like an awesome title for a reality TV show come to think of it!) the same argurement about inconvenience and over-reaction rears it's ugly head for all to see, just like my houseboy Richardo does when he refuses to eat his stunted brother Julio's remains again for lunch instead of the month-old Cambodian veal which I promised him earlier in the day.
See, just like with Richardo, he only needs to be caught off-guard once and he'll have to live forever knowing that he's devoured his only offspring. It's the same for the terrorists, they just need to be lucky once for their own self-hating presence to be made aware to all. But instead of having a crying Malaysian houseboy to coddle and deal with, you have aeroplanes hanging out of buildings and smoke coming from underground train stations. Either way you have to acknowledge the deaths of hundreds, sometimes thousands of people. Something that's a lot worse than your pre-teen home-help having a tantrum on your newly laminated veranda.
There's no doubt that radical Islam exists and that it's out to get you, (just ask the people of New York, Madrid and London) so why do people left and right, (alright, mostly left) chastise the West when the full details of how inept the July 21st attempted bombers come to light..
Radical Islam wants you, and all your pale ass, craka ass friends dead, and they have a pretty good track record on this kinda thinking so why oppose security procedures in airports (and other public places) when they exist for one very simple reason: TO KEEP YOU ALIVE!
Everyone knows the threat is real, but less than a decade after the start of the war on terror you're still alive but your biggest complaint in life is that you have to show up to the airport sixty minutes earlier and that you risk having your shampoo confiscated?
At least unlike Richardo, you eventually get that angry, bitter taste out of your mouth once you're on the plane, he has it until I finally give in, and let him have that veal which he so desires...
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And The Dish Ran Away With The Spoon...
Tuesday, June 24 2008 @ 23:43...
So, my home town of Dundee is to offer people who smoke in the city £12.50 a week if they promise to quit! That's nice and all, and I'm all for having people live that little bit longer, but why will this incentive only be bestowed upon those of us who smell like grandma?
According to a 2003 study by some Glasgow University Research Charity that I've never heard of, obesity in Scotland costs the NHS as much as the health affects caused by smoking do.
Now, five years later, and with all the press time devoted to obese kids (and ever since I started working in that petrol station across from oh-so tempting McDonalds), I would guess that if commissioned today, obesity would greatly overtake smoking as the leading cause (and cost) of preventable medical conditions within our fair kingdom, right after injuries caused during the production of midget porn that is, (Miss McGinlay has some serious demands and balls).
Now, while I'm someone who's currently helping re-define the term 'morbidly-obese', I've never smoked, not even a cat, but I feel that when those paramedics have to burst down my door (when I balloon to 500 pounds and can't answer the phone) the rescue effort’s cost could have been prevented. I mean, while they're scraping my pale corpse embedded between the bookshelves and my houseboy Ricardo off the floor they may think ‘this all could have been avoided if we’d only given £2 a day to these heshers’…
Ah, who am I kidding, I’d just use the £12.50 to buy some onion rings and put the rest on a down payment for a helper monkey, I’d call him Dawes and keep him under my bed, and by bed I mean garden shed...
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Those Who Convolute, Know The World They Hate....
Tuesday, June 10 2008 @ 16:37...
Rent Boy runaway Rupert Everett, a man who left home at the age of fifteen to become a male prostitute (according to my two minute scan of Wikipedia at least) has now imparted some of that life wisdom that helped him reach those aforementioned goals for today's British servicemen and women by telling the Daily Mail that, wait for it, British Soldiers are "pathetic, whining wimps"...
Yes, the man whose greatest career achievements come from playing the homosexual best friend of the main character in every romantic comedy since “Four Weddings And A Funeral” has some views on our service people’s current status quo.
Now, I could rehash the conservative talking points of the past and simply say, uh, had this openly gay actor of said this is any of the two countries that the British personnel he is chastising are currently active in, he would be jailed/hung before the ink on the print article spouting this rhetoric had even dried.
However it’s more interesting to note that there is no outcry regarding Everett’s comments from either side of the political spectrum, or anyone for that matter. The liberal media that adore this kind of ‘courageous stance’ wouldn’t be expected to comment on this and neither would the British Army, they’re too busy dodging extremists that use women and children as weapons and paying respect to the fact that only this weekend, the current number of British soldiers who have made the ultimate sacrifice defending our country, reached the symbolic number of one hundred.
But can you really blame Rupert Everett for following the rest of his celebrity friends and joining the radical realms of the far left. It’s a lot better for your ego and your ‘cool factor’ to say that you’re for left wing ideals such as freedom and equality while preaching tolerance but amusingly, for only totally selfish reasons. It’s a lot more romantic to want to bring troops home to play happy families, end world suffering and other pipe dreams than take a conservative stance and say ‘please lower the taxes on fuel and other everyday items that burden by so many struggling families’... or, “please defend my homeland against those who wish to destroy our way of life”.
This is why rejecting the romantic form of rebellion embraced by our sheep-like celebrities makes Tony Blair much closer to the Hell’s Angels than Rupert Everett could ever be. However if Mr Everett still wishes to discuss this issue, then meet me in Dawson Park around 3am, and wear a thong...
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Don't Ever Change...
Thursday, June 05 2008 @ 12:35...
The phrase that everyone's been using this year aside from 'the midget on the bottom gave me syphilis'?... 'It's time for a change'.
Newt Gingrich has written a book about it, The Deftones have rehashed a song about it and Bebo's updates page has been renamed "Ch-Ch-Changes" in reference to that albino hermaphrodite David Bowie.
However it's Barrack Obama who's exhausting the word more than anyone. You see, his campaign slogan and website motto is "Change We Can Believe In". That's fine and not a bad mission statement but no one from his campaign to the liberal media that adore him seem to elaborate on, or explain what this change actually is. It could be anything from "change how America is viewed in the world by cutting and running from Iraq" or "change the laws for sex workers in Nevada by making all hookers over the age of thirty hide those lines by wearing sexy sheep costumes" to appeal to the vegan/bestiality scene that so many of my co-workers in ASDA are into.
Bottom line, "real change" doesn't mean anything unless you define it, and definitions won't come until people demand them. For example, my reasoning of ''real change" involves loose change. How many people a year do you think are killed or seriously injured by rogue coins that people have carelessly left behind? Baby's could swallow fifties and old people could slip on arrays of two pound coins, thinking they're part of a retro mosaic pattern on a tiled floor. How about magnetic change so we all have a big ball of cash, too big for babies to fit in their mouth and so big that old people will mistake it for shiny tumbleweed. Not to mention the positive effect that my plan will have on our economy. With all that extra money in circulation we could use it to raise our GDP, cut unnecessary taxes and finally help Bob Geldof to feed Africa, then himself, he looks like he hasn't had a a decent meal since Thatcher was in power. Now that's "change" you can get behind.
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MADhmoud Ahmadinejad...
Sunday, May 18 2008 @ 23:28...
So, Iranian nutbag Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says that he thinks 9/11 was a 'suspect event' and he also appears skepitcal on the death toll of those lost that day. Now this is interesting, for once you have two backwards, gay-hating anti-american in-desperate-need-of-a-stylist Middle Eastern 'leaders' at odds over what undoubtdly started the conflict of our lifetime. However, the point is not that our dear Mahmoud has joined the ranks of the 'truthers' on the far left but more that he's upsetting public enemy number one. What's Bin Laden's reaction to the claim by one of his fellow jew-loathing creatures that he wasn't responsible for 9/11? I'd be livid. If I spent 18 months quietly financing and planning the intended destruction of the West only to have some flavour of the week cast doubt on my longstanding magnum opus, he'd be at the top of my list! (Right after that albino chick who never gave me my gravy at KFC last week, even after I paid for it!, trust me, it was vital; no other substance that tastes so good washes out of my hair so easily after a totally hetero night with the Dawes).
Come on Osama, grow a set and condem this man who looks like a used car salesman (albeit Persian style) before I lay claim to this blog post, and the great dye job on your beard that you've been sporting since last year. Please! I've eaten candyfloss with less artificial colouring before...
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Ewe-F-O?...
Tuesday, January 29 2008 @ 19:51...
So, apparently, Crop Circles are too twentieth century for the media to report on these days, as now in Herefordshire, England, 'Sheep Circles' are appearing in apparently desolate country fields. According to The Daily Mail Online, almost a hundred sheep congegrate in multiple locations on Fridays.
What are they discussing? Personally, having visited rural England and met stereotypical locals, this slightly aroused blogger suggests that the sheep are forming a protective barrier to deal with the regular, albeit somewhat aggressive advances of said inebriated locals after last orders at the end of a working week. Further proof is evident by the fact that the sheep meet weekly on Fridays, just before the official start of the weekend, perhaps to ponder how to deal with the imminent onslaught of sexually starved uneducated farm hands, blacksmiths and of course, bowling alley lawyers...
Colour me confused, or just colour me, I love crayons...
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